‘Transitioning must be hard. How’s your heart?’
A thoughtful and compassionate question that blindsided me. I found myself amidst a group of mums in someone’s ‘yard’ (upon the invitation of that lovely friendly face at church) and I had teary eyes. Chit chat about this and that brought to a halt as I felt the lump in my throat and water gathering in the corners of my eyes.
It was the best question. And the hardest question.
My heart is still aching from saying goodbye. It’s exhausted from the rollercoaster of our last few weeks. And in it’s aching tiredness, it can’t hide it’s feelings. My face reveals my heart as that question hits me.
I know it’s not a permanent state. But it will take time for the ache to go and for refreshment to come as we settle, get to know people and find our rhythm here. And at this moment, it’s hard to think about ‘home’ as we try and make our new home.
I’ve been reading 1 John recently and 3v19-20 has lodged itself in my mind:
’19 This is how we know that we belong to the truth and how we set our hearts at rest in his presence: 20 if our hearts condemn us, we know that God is greater than our hearts, and he knows everything.’
I think John wants to offer assurance to the Christian who’s heart is reminding them again and again that they’re a sinner undeserving of grace. That brilliant reality that ‘he knows everything’, including our sin, and yet we can rest in his presence through Jesus.
I love the phrase ‘God is greater than our hearts’. Our hearts don’t determine our reality. It’s not our emotion but our steadfast, loving God. While my heart is shifting from one feeling to the next, often within minutes, I love that God is greater than my heart. He doesn’t change. And he knows everything.
Praying my transitioning heart would know this great God more and more.